This and that

*I'm typing w/ one hand b/c I'm feeding baby Riley w/ the other so excuse the quality of typing please*

It is AMAZING how much we have seen Leo grow in the past month.  He is definitely an expert walker now, he is able to communicate a bit better about what he wants/is thinking.  He points, grunts, and uses hand movements, that he has learned from his momma without her realizing she was teaching them.  He plays patty cake and loves to read.  Two of his favorite activities are dunking and playing basketball (much to daddy's excitement) and he loves to be chased. If he hears Brian or I coming he will squeal and take off as quickly as his wobbly little legs can take him. 
 I am now babysitting a sweet little 2 1/2 month old and Leo LOVES her!  He is very concerned if she cries and drops everything to go check on her, he shares his blanky w/ her, gives her hugs, and tries to share his binky (he also tries to steal her binky).

Here are a few videos to enjoy.

Leo loves to "help" by sweeping

Here is Leo dunking.  Our buddy Shom gave us a wedding gift that was specifically for Brian b/c apparently "all the other wedding gifts were really just for me."  So Bri used HIS gift card to buy a little bball rim and ball.  I tell you what that bball rim and ball is probably the wedding gift that still gets the most use!

It is really fun to see Leo actually starting to respond appropriately to the word "No".  Typically, he would go to the electrical outlets and look at me or Brian.  We would say "No no Leo."  At that point he would look at us, smile, grab the cord and yank!  Oh goodness, are we in for it.  Now he will look at us, we will say no, and he will walk away.  Score 1 for the clueless parents.  Although, looking at this video it is obvious we still have work to do.  Score 1 for Leo.

I will at some point get a birthday post up :)

Walking and the zoo

Well it happened!  Leo did it!  He started walking while we were in Israel :(   and :) all at the same time.  So at about 10 months he took  his first steps, and now a month later he is cruising pretty well.  He is most certainly "unstable" but he is cruisin'.  It is tough now that it is cold out b/c he is always in footie pj's or in socks and that makes for interesting walking on our tile kitchen floor.

We are fortunate to live 2 1/2 blocks from the zoo and have a zoo memebership, and with the membership comes special invitations to zoo events.  On Friday we went to a winter warming at the zoo event.  It was at from 5:30 - 7:30pm and they had hot chocolate, cookies, Christmas lights, and some of the animals out for viewing.  Leo appreciated the warmth that the lodge provided and he LOVED Frosty.

He also loved the baboons!  They kept charging him.  He laughed.  The video isn't great sorry :)

Below is a video of Miguel and Leo hanging together.  Leo loves his big brother and is learning all sorts of stuff :)

Trifecta of Cuteness

Here are three videos that have nothing to do with each other but I need to get rid of video before we head to Israel.  Oh ya, we are going to Israel in 2 1/2 days!!!  Yayyy :)  We will hopefully have some fun stuff to post once we get back, until then enjoy our sweet lil 10 month old :)

He likes to play in the kitchen, most especially his high chair.  I think he is mostly scavaging for food :)

Our lil dude has 4 teeth now, which means when he bites you it hurts!  He is slobbering like CRAZY and likes to chew on everything, that apprently includes our windows.

Daddy and Leo enjoying a Sunday evening together :)

Loss

Well most of our posts are happy and filled with pictures this will not be either.

Brian and I laid in bed last night and chatted about the past few days.  We had just gotten home from a long weekend in southern Illinois for my brother's wedding.  We left Friday morning with our lil dude in tow and after a 6 1/2 hour trip (stopping at gma's for the rest of the crew) we managed to squeeze in a wedding rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, a LONG night in a hotel, hair appointments, lots of pictures, a beautiful wedding, a lot of worrying about lil dude puking on my dress or Brian's tux, a reception, another LONG night in a hotel, two new teeth, brunch with the new in-laws, and another 6 1/2 hour trip home, and then we were home and back to normal.  And normal meant talking about Thursday.

While we laid in bed we talked about our miscarriage on Thursday.  I lamented how we would tell everyone.  A lot of family knew due to the wedding, our church family knew thanks to a prayer email that went out, we knew we would have to post it on Facebook (although it just doesn't seem appropriate), but how in the world do you tell the random people that know you are pregnant but don't receive one of the previously mentioned announcement.  I said, "Brian our neighbors will start to wonder where the baby is."  I suppose we will handle it as gracefully as we can when we have to.

As we talked Brian said, "I think we should post something on our blog."  "I think we should post details."  "I wish I would have known how hard it was."  "I wish someone would have told me some of the details so I would know just how horrible it was."  Although, I don't care for writing (which is why our blog is mostly pictures and videos) nor do I care for being as transparent as Brian likes to be  I agreed with his sentiments.  So below is an account of our Thursday, October 20th.  If you don't care to know details, don't read.  We do not tell you our story to be morbid or get people to feel sorry for us, but we tell you are story to hopefully give a voice to the experience.

October 20, 2011

I woke up at 6am to Leo crying, so I reluctantly crawled out of bed to feed him.  As I was feeding him my stomach was a bit crampy.  Not thinking much of it I finished the feeding, put Leo back to bed, and also went back to bed.  I laid there trying to fall back asleep but kept feeling crampy here and there.  At 6:30 our lil friend decided it was time to get up for good so Brian got up with him so I could sleep in a little bit.  So I laid in bed continuing to feel the cramps come and go.  I slowly started to get worried realizing I was having contractions.  I got up at 7am and told Brian I thought I was having contractions and I was going to take a shower.  At this point I still wasn't too concerned. The contractions kept coming while in the shower. 

When I got out of the shower I feed Leo breakfast and ate a bowl of cereal hoping something in my stomach would help.  It didn't.  I called my doctor's office at 8am thinking that is when they opened, but unfortunately they didn't open until 8:30.  While waiting to be able to call when the office was open I went to the bathroom, and saw I had begun to bleed.  At this point I knew it was serious and I started getting really worried.  I called back to office and had the operator page my doctor.  Brian called a friend of ours to see if she could come watch Leo.  God showed his provision, by allowing her to be in town and only a few minutes away.  When my doctor finally called back she told me to call the office at 8:30 and to make an appointment for this morning.  I was pretty confused as to why she was not more concerned.  So it was finally 8:30 and I called the office to get an appointment.  They said a nurse would have to call me back. 
By this time our sweet friend was there and was taking care of Leo so we could get ready to go.  It was 8:45 by this time and the nurse called back and said to come in at 9:30 for a sono and I would see the doctor at 10.  I told Brian this and both of us were so frustrated as to why people weren't more concerned.  By this time I was bleeding heavily and the contractions were getting stronger, so I told Brian forget 9:30 we were going now.  We luckily live about 3 minutes from my OB b/c in the car ride there was no break between contractions and I was in pain.  Brian dropped me off at the door and went to park.  By the time Brian got in the office I just couldn't talk to the people so I said deal with them and I went to the bathroom.  I could hear Brian saying forcefully we either see a doctor NOW or we are going to the hospital.  Well they said there was no doctor there so Brian said we were going to the ER. 

They car ride was only about 6 minutes but I was in so much pain it seemed to take forever.  I knew I was bleeding really badly and with the severity of contractions I knew we were in trouble.  We got to the ER and they got me into a room right away with a nurse.  I was bleeding very heavily by the time I got my gown on and the contractions were unbearable.  Brian kept pushing our button saying we needed a doctor now, but we were told we got there at the same time as an ambulance so we would need to wait.  The nurse came in and I told her I had to push.  She said, "well, you can't do that you need to just breathe through it." Ha, easy to say.  The doctor finally came in and checked me and told the nurse that I was having a miscarriage and he could see the sac.  At that point Brian and I both began to cry and Brian started to pray.  The doctor left and I asked the nurse for some pain medication.  Luckily she was in the process of getting an IV in me and then she put some pain meds in me.  It luckily took the edge off the pain but by that point it didn't really matter. 
About 10 minutes later I again told the nurse I HAD to push and she just kept telling me that I couldn't, and all of the sudden it was as if the pain medication had worn off and all of the pain came back.  I just kept telling her I had to push!  Finally the doctor came in and he very slowly (he was trying to wait for my OB to actually get there) put on his gloves.  As I was watching him put on his gloves at what seemed like a snails pace, I said, "Oh for the love of pete!"  I felt bad b/c I didn't want to be rude, but really dude put your stinkin' gloves on!

Brian started praying and it only took one more push and our baby came out.  Let me tell you this was not anything like the delivery of Leo.  There was no joy or excitement.  There was no whisking the baby away for weight and length.  There was no cry of a baby.  There was no nursing.  There was, well, nothing.  The doctor put our baby on the table in a a small container and he left.  I asked the nurse if she could tell if it was a boy or girl, I mean we were after all supposed to have the ever so exciting doctor's appointment in just 5 days to find out if we were having a boy or girl.  The nurse who had never done this before said she couldn't tell.

After a couple minutes my OB came in and checked me.  She said that there was still pieces of the placenta in my uterus so I would need to have surgery to remove it.  She was very nice and comforting.  She asked if we would like to see our baby.  We did.  She removed the baby from the sac and brought the baby to us.  The baby was tiny, but beautiful.  I remember seeing just a tiny, tiny little fully developed ear and I was amazed.  We asked our doctor if the baby was a boy or girl.  Unfortunately, she said the baby was smaller than what a 19 week baby would be so she thought it had passed away a week or two ago, so she unfortunately couldn't tell if the baby was a boy or girl.  That broke my heart.  I had no intention of referring to my child as "it" now that I had seen the baby.  So I decided the baby looked like a girl.  I have no idea if I'm right, but I think b/c all of the features were so tiny I just imagined her being a girl.  

The doctor left and we had a little bit of time alone with our baby.  We cried, and prayed, and looked and then we put her down and covered her with a cloth.  My OB came back in and we said we were done.  She had given us the option of spending more time with the baby once my surgery was over but we said we didn't need any more time.  Unfortunately, after everything was over I really wish I had taken more time later, everything was just happening so quickly I didn't know how I would feel later. 

They then took me up to perform a DNC on me to remove the rest of my placenta.  Luckily, I was put under and when I came to a couple hours later it was all over.  In only about 7 hours our lives had changed so much. The doctor told Brian the surgery had gone well but I had lost a lot of blood and may need a blood transfusion later in the day if my blood count had not gone up enough.  It had and by 5pm we were being discharged (at our request) we could have stayed the night but were eager to get home to Leo.  

It was one of the best feelings to get home and have Leo see us and grin ear to ear and crawl over to give us some much needed lovin'.

I was in a lot of pain on Friday mostly just due to every muscle in my body contracting during the whole thing the day before, but by Saturday I was feeling physically okay.  But now as Monday is here we are trying to figure out how to heal emotionally and how to deal with "normal" life.  We are trying to deal with feelings when we see outfits that we were saving for the new baby, or when we have to put away the prenatal vitamins, or when I have to put back on my maternity clothes when I no longer am pregnant, and as we wrestle through thoughts of what we did to cause this to happen.  We had no idea how hard this would be.  We had already started planning where the baby would go and what we would name the baby.  I was so excite to raise two kids so close together and now we have to deal with the thoughts and reality of do we try again, do we wait a long time, what is the right thing to do.

But through everything we really do know that God is in control.  It sounds SO trite.  But the reality is that our God was not surprised and he had not left us.  He was there holding tightly too us.  He was present in how Brian took care of me.  He was present in providing care for Leo when we needed it.  He is present in how people are lifting us up in prayer currently.  We realize that everything we have is from Him and is ultimately His.  We have dedicated Leo to Him and have consciously made a decision to acknowledge that Leo is His and He has the right to do with Him as he wants, and we must now understand the same is true of this child.

I know this post was long.  We hope that it serves as a reminder to us what has happened.  We hope it shows Leo later in life what has happened.  We hope that those who have never experienced this never have to but have a better idea of what happens.  And we hope that those who have experienced this can find hope and peace in our God that loves them and understands what it is like to lose a child.

Brian and Julie

Baby Proofing 101

When we moved into our house 2 years ago we had no children.  We bought our house from a family that had a 2 year old.  We were happy that they had already done the work to baby proof the house by putting childproof locks on all of the cabinets.  We also thought it nice that we have a thousand different doors so we thought we could just shut doors to keep parts of our house off limits for future children. 

Well, now that Leo is EVERYWHERE I have found there are a few more baby proofing things that need completed.  He has found the one cabinet w/o the lock and found the glass bowls, he has found the stairs and climbed almost to the first platform before falling backwards (don't worry I was right behind him the whole time), he found the trash can, the computer cord, cell phone chargers.  And today as I was downstairs changing out the laundry he took on another adventure, check it out !

Quick Observation

No pictures. No videos. One observation. 

An 8 1/2 month old who does not want to take a nap becomes as strong as a woman who sees her child (tragically) underneath the tire of a car and she runs over, picks the car up with one hand, lifts it over her head, spins it, and throws it 100 yards.

That is all.

Time Flies...

...when your camera is broken!

Brian and some of the youth group kids went on a missions trip in July and our camera went down for the count.  It was an older camera so it was probably over due.  Brian and I thought we would just wait until my birthday or Christmas to get a new one but we are going to Isreal in November so we definitely want a camera for our trip, so hopefully we will get one soon.  I finally charged the batteries to our Flip so now we have video :)

A ton has happened in the past couple months.  Leo is now eating Cheerios and lots of other food, crawling very well, standing pretty well, he knows how to climb stairs, and he is an expert at falling!  He has had too many bumps, bruises, and scratches already!  He also has 1 1/2 teeth!  He didn't fuss at all with his first tooth.  In fact, I didn't even know he had it until he bit my finger.  The second tooth that is coming in now is a different story.  He has had a pretty rough go with this one.  But they sure are cute!

Since he has learned to stand he has ZERO interest in sleeping.  He instead likes to stand at the corner of his crib and scream :/.  So we have been trying to figure that out, but he is currently taking a much needed (for mom and Leo) nap :)

We also found out that Leo will be a big brother in March!!  Everything seems to be going well with the pregnancy.  I'm in my second trimester and hopefully over the morning (all day) sickness.  It was a bit worse this time around.  But I think I have turned a corner into heart burn and no puking so I will take it :)

The following videos are all pretty much the same but I liked them all and didn't want to choose. :)